they told me dog days are over now look at this shit
by bobbingformangos
Summary: Jealous Emma and what she does to deal. You know, normal Emma shit.


they told me the dog days are over. now look at this shit.

raw and unedited.

a collection of scenes.

-III

You could kiss better than him, you knew that. (swan queen)

At least, that's what you tell yourself as you sit in the uncomfortable hospital chair next to your son with your arms crossed and a scowl on your face. There is a gun strapped to your hip because it makes you feel safer, but with each press of their lips in the corner of your vision, you feel a magic bubble up in the pits of your stomach that feels like the embodiment of jealous.

You might end up going green with envy.

And that thought makes you laugh a tiny bit, finding the humor in it all, but you quickly press your lips together when Henry turns to look at you with a cock of an eyebrow. He's been onto you for a while, even when he didn't have his memories, and you think he has spent this entire time in the waiting room piecing things together instead of worrying about his grandmother.

He was cheeky like that. So much like Regina in a way.

So much like you.

So much like the both of you.

They pull apart and he leaves the kid with Regina before turning away to go back to his band of merry men and walk out of the hospital waiting room with a bow strapped to his back and a quiver of arrows and you scowl again because you were sure he was no Katniss.

You bet you have better aim then he does.

But you really don't, so you don't mention it out loud.

Instead, you sink deeper into the chair with another sigh and think about how you could kiss better than him. That if you kissed Regina, she would be unable to breathe and you even think about how you were sure that her heart would reappear because it would be that powerful.

Yeah, it really would be that powerful, you tell yourself over and over.

-III

People don't know things if you don't tell them.

You knew that on some kind of intellectual level but then you see the happiness in their eyes and your mouth clamps shut because Saviors weren't allowed to be selfish.

You wish that you were able to be more selfish and that you could kick this selfless habit, but its hard when people you care about - no love - are so fucking happy.

So, as their happinesses raise, yours lowers, but you maintain the mask on your face that you perfected that one time when you were three and were replaced.

You were Emma Swan, and you were starting to see a pattern in your life.

-III

She took the baby before you knew if it were a boy or girl. You weren't in the room when Zelena took the baby because when you saw your parents cradle the infant and murmur things about second chances, you left the room in a hurry.

Because you felt that no one deserved to see your tears.

It would cause them unhappiness and they would see your weakness and you wondered when you started to care about such things.

You missed New York and you missed how uncomplicated it had all been. You were a mother with a son and you guys were happy. You were normal. And, you can't lie, you did think about that life nearly every second now because that was something you learned to do growing up. Making up stories, crawling into them and using them as if they were blanket forts.

But you had to stop once you made it to the hospital corridor because your mind was making up stories about living in New York with Henry and Regina and you had confessed your love for her and she had love for you and you guys would spend Sunday afternoons in Central park with Henry and you would have more children because you also wanted to see what Regina looked like pregnant and what a daughter would look like with Regina's deep eyes and your mind wouldn't stop and so your tears kept flowing.

And you slammed your fist into the wall, the exact moment that Zelena took your replacement, because you were told that the dog days were over a year ago but that had turned to shit once you came back to Storybrooke.

It all went to shit.

-III

It happened quickly, the green appearing on your fingertips.

It happened when you entered the hospital room, face red from crying, and your mother was crying into your father's shoulder screaming that she was their second chance, that she was supposed to be their second chance, and you realized that she truly was your replacement and you never mourned that. You never mourned the fact that they gave you up so that you could save them (not for your best chance like they like to tell themselves) and then they replace you so quickly without truly trying to understand you or take time to realize what their actions did to you.

But they had a second chance, a replacement, a daughter they could love and raise and who wouldn't be fucked up because you were, Emma Swan, you were fucked up now.

And the green appeared on your finger tips and it scared you because you envied this new baby and then, it escalated when you thought of the way that Regina held Robin's son in her arms and smoothed over his hair and you thought about how Robin was Regina's soulmate or some shit and how he kissed her and he could have a family with her and then, then your hands turned green and you slide them in your pocket.

"I'm light," you say so quickly and loudly with a scratchy voice that made people pause. And you continue, "I'll save her. I'll make sure Zelena can't get away with all of this."

And you wondered why Regina sat down the kid and reached for you to stop but it was too late and you puffed away.

White smoke twinges with green.

-III

She laughs at you, when she sees you.

Her arms wrapped around the baby, who was wrapped in a green blanket and kicking her legs, and a bubbling cauldron in front of them.

She laughs because was nervous but then she saw how the green was crawling up your arms and she thought it was ironic that you were so envious that you were turning green also.

"We are much more alike than I thought, Savior," Zelena says without malice, but a small understanding in her tone and you wonder if she was ever someone other than a zealous envious soul.

She had to be, right?

She had to want something so badly to become this way.

You bet it was family and love.

It makes people do crazy things.

You surprise yourself when you let out a humorless laugh and give her a smirk as you tossed out, "Is this were we start singing, For Good?"

But she doesn't get that reference and your mind does the story thing where she was just the loving aunt who often came to visit you guys in New York and you would take her to see Wicked and it would be the only story, above all other fairy tales, worth seeing.

The baby starts to cry as the cauldron starts to bubble and she was really going to do this. She was really going to cast this spell and you take a step forward, hand outstretched, feeling compassion for this woman suddenly as your eyes go to the baby with a dark patch of hair and eyes so much like your mother's and you were turning green faster and faster because this baby was your mother and her chance that she wanted so badly and you were just so fucking selfless.

"By the looks of it, you'll be better off if I do this," Zelena reasoned, her voice gentle with understanding and you knew in that moment that she was wicked, yes, but also in pain and you could understand that yourself.

You sigh, "Probably, but it also means that I wouldn't be born and neither would Henry."

"Oh yes, the boy," Zelena comments as she stared into your eyes. "But we will all do what we have to for our happy endings, won't we?"

And you shook your head no because there were lips that you have never kissed and parents who didn't know how bad you hurt and you really wouldn't do anything for your happy ending. Instead your eyes whelm with tears and you reach out your hands for the baby, "It's not her fault or our faults for the hands we were dealt. It's not Henry's fault or Regina's fault. Zelena, going back wouldn't help, you do realize that? Going back wouldn't give you a happy ending -"

"It would give me a family!" Zelena screams back, wildly, the calm understanding gone as her eyebrows knitted together and she let a sob escape her chest.

And you understand that on so many levels.

But you also understand what kind of family it would give her and that childhood wouldn't be worth these sacrifices.

So you shake your head, taking a step closer, "You could still have a family, Zelena, one that actually loves you. Cora, she, she was fucked up and incapable of love. She couldn't -"

"She would love me!" Zelena screamed and then the baby screamed and you cringed.

But your tone was low and you shook your head and your face torn and the green stopped crawling up your arm when you stepped closer and closer to take the baby from her shaking arms and held her against your chest and you whispered, "She wouldn't, Zelena, you can't be enough for someone who simply is unable to be sated. But there is still a chance, trust me, we still have a chance."

And that's when you felt your heart expand with an understanding that sometimes you have to be selfish to bring forth a happiness for everyone. Or at least that's what you think as a white light overtook the room, as if the sun was shining in the attack of this dark and dank house, and your hand went out to touch Zelena's arm in understanding and the baby stopped crying, looking up at you, and it wasn't painful, this understanding.

-III

Zelena was asleep on the couch, a blanket pulled up over her shoulders, when they arrived. She didn't look so wicked to you anymore but you also understood her better than you had yesterday and the day before.

Your back was against the couch as you sat on the floor with this baby in your lap looking at you with big eyes and her puckered red lips. The green blanket securely wrapped around her and keeping her warm and you knew that you didn't hate this kid.

It wasn't her fault that your parents replaced you.

Just like it wasn't your fault or Regina's fault or Henry's fault that you guys got dealt shitty hands. Well, Henry had a nice hand but still.

There was panic as they ran through the door, kicking it down and causing you to jump and the baby to scowl and Zelena to scrunch up her face in her sleep but they paused as they came into the living room of the cabin.

"I saved the day," you whispered with a shrug. And then, you turned to look at the baby and then Zelena and chuckled, needing to find the humor in it all. You weren't green anymore and you think it's cause the white magic or it was because you had an understanding with the universe but it didn't really matter because you were all well now. So you let out a joke, "You know, defying gravity and all."

-III

Zelena was on house arrest. That's what you called it cause of the barrier that only allowed her to move around the property of the cottage. She had daily visits from Dr. Hopper and you visited her more than you would like to admit, talking about things over tea.

And the white light took away her magic. It seemed fair. It allowed her to live and not be banished.

And it was on the porch, at the height of noon, that you spoke up for her as she slept on the couch and everyone stood outside and you wondered if your mother looked as haggard as she did when she gave you up. She was on the steps with everyone behind her, reaching for the baby in your arms and you put out a hand to stop her because you refused to turn green again. Not without her knowing just how much she fucked you up.

So you held the baby close are you explained what happened with Zelena and you explained that she wouldn't die and you came up with the terms but you also told how you came to an understanding with her.

Emma Swan, you made the first step toward your happiness when you looked your mother in the eye and explained how she made you feel like you were replaced and you told her the story about how there once was a princess and her consort and how they gave up a baby because they believed she could save their kingdom one day.

How it was bullshit that they said it was to give you your best chance.

How giving up Henry, that was for his best chance, but how they gave you up was for their kingdom and it was bullshit and not worth it and then, you told them about the pattern in your life, how you were always being given up or sacrificed and abused and how they needed to own up to their shit.

And thats when you looked her in the eyes, tears in your own, and sat the baby in her arms without another word before turning away, walking into the cottage, and shutting the door.

-III

Her heart was bright red under the swirls of black. It was beautiful and you held it in your hands for a full day before leaving the cottage to seek her out.

You wondered if he found her heart as beautiful as you did.

Probably not.

You found her on the bench on the pier and you thought that this was very fitting. It reminded you of a time that you almost told her about your feelings. That you cared for her more than you let on and that this was probably the best story that could ever be told.

The Savior and the Evil Queen.

But you weren't stories and you were just Emma and Regina and she sat on the bench staring out at the ocean with a soft smile and her hands in her lap and her shoulders relaxed and the wind in her hair and she looked so beautiful, just like her heart.

You took a seat next to her, close but not too close.

A breath between the two of you.

"Thank you," Regina says to you soft enough to cause you to strain to hear. Before you could ask what for, she continues, "For not killing her, thank you."

And you realized that Regina didn't want Zelena dead or that she hated her and that the wicked witch was the only family Regina had left and that she, too, held some kind of hope for her.

So you nod your head and offer up the option, "I think she would like to get to know you. I think, like us, under it all, she just wants to be loved."

And that catches her off guard, "like us".

Because she was there when you told your mother and your father how they made you feel and what they did and the life that you ended up having.

Regina understood that you, too, wanted to be loved.

And, in comfort, her hand comes to rest on your thigh and gives it a squeeze.

And you continue to offer, because you would offer Regina the world if you could, "Maybe you can come with me tonight? I've been staying them with her, she shouldn't be alone. Plus, she makes a really good shepherd's pie."

That causes Regina to smile, you caught it out of the side of your vision, and your hand goes to rest on top of her's and you give it a squeeze and she nods her head.

"I'll enjoy that, I think," she whispers. The way the ocean mixes with your voice causes your heart to skip a beat and reminds you why you were here.

You could feel it pulse against your chest, her beautiful heart, and you still have a streak in your own heart and you needed to let this loose too.

Like you let the pain of your parents loose.

People don't know things if you don't tell them.

You can't be angry if they don't know.

You shouldn't envy if they don't know.

So, your fingers thread through Regina's and she turns her head to look at you, her eyes shifting over your face and your hair is in curls today and she smiles at that. She tightens her hand and you guys are locked together and there is a magic flowing back and forth between you and you wonder if that means something.

"It's beautiful, Regina," you say quietly, honestly, causing her to cock an eyebrow in silent question to what you are referring to.

You smile softly and use your free hand to pull out the heart that resting against your own. You wonder what it would have felt like to have it inside your chest, you even considered it, but you knew that it wouldn't be fair to Regina to put her heart next to yours when she didn't agree to that.

He had her heart anyway, even though you knew you could keep it warmer.

"Your heart," you say, bringing it out so that she could see it, and you caress your thumb over it and smile down at the swirling black over the bright red. "It's so beautiful."

Her grasp on your thigh squeezes as she shakes her head, "It's not pure."

You shrug, "No, it's not, but thats one of the reasons why its so beautiful. Look, right there, see how its still so bright? How there is still so much love? You're a rough edged person, but that doesn't mean that you are incapable of hope and love, Regina."

She pauses at your words and her chest doesn't rise cause her breath was stolen and that's when you feel compelled to tell her the truth.

Your heart doesn't move and your breathing stops and you turn your body to face her's, eyes darting over her face in case she gets up and walks away, but you had to tell her because her heart was beating in the palm of your hand and you love it so much and you wonder if the swirling blackness was starting to fade so quickly because her heart felt just how much you loved it.

"That's probably why I fell in love with you," you say clearly, voice strong and laced with conviction, and you wonder if you sounded like your parents when they confessed their love.

Regina's head whipped around, hair getting caught in her open mouth, as she looks at you with bright and wide eyes. Surprised eyes.

How could Emma Swan, savior, love someone like her?

You could see it in her eyes, disbelief.

And you had told her once this but you repeat, "Your Regina to me, and I think I feel in love with you a long time ago without realizing it."

It was an explanation that left a lot of questions, questions that you will answer one day, but right now you allow that to soak in.

The tide is changing by the time she opens her mouth to speak. Your eyes never left each others and your hands stay clasped together and its probably been hours because your ass hurts but you still have her heart in your hand and you feel lighter since making this confession and you don't feel like it was selfish.

People deserve to know they are loved.

"Put my heart in my chest, Emma," she says but her words don't break the spell. Instead, she leans in closer and kind of thrust out her chest for you and you notice that three buttons are undone on her dress and you wonder what the skin under her collar bone tastes like but instead you widen your eyes in question.

She nods, squeezes, and moves closer.

So you don't hesitate when you thrust your hand into her chest, her heart quickening and filling with something that shoots a warmth through you. And her other hand finds the spot above your wrist, the part that it out of her chest, and holds you there.

She closes her eyes for a moment, feeling you wrapped around her heart, and sighs in what you think is contentment.

She feels so loved and, in turn, makes you feel loved.

Its a beautiful feeling. Not confusing or complicated, just love.

Without questions.

And then you notice the lazy smile on her lips and her eyes smoking over with a white lavender color and your breath stops again as she scrunches her nose at you and moves her hand up your arm to pull your closer.

She initiates the kiss.

Its everything the two of you are and its magical and powerful and you are sure that if there was a curse in play, it would break in that moment, because there was no way in hell that this wasn't love.

Look at you, Emma Swan, defying gravity and fate because this was fucking meant to be.

Fuck her soul mate because how could the stars say anything other than Emma Swan and Regina Mills?

This was the true fairy tale.

Right here.

The way your lips came together and her tongue darted out to seek entrance into your mouth and the way she tasted on your tongue and how she sighed when she tasted you and this was perfect.

It was passionate and loving and quick and slow and exploring and you turned your head to the left ever so slightly and then, right then, it was perfect.

You could kiss better than him, but you already knew that. So you don't think about him or your parents or anything.

Not even the stories you've made up in your head.

You think about her lips on yours and her heart beating in your hand, in her chest, and how she trust you enough to do this. To hold her heart in your hand and to continue healing it, continue loving it.

And you smile against her lips once more are you whisper your love into her mouth.

People the dog days may not be over but it's not complete shit either.


End file.
